Independent Opinion Review Board

After careful consideration,your opinion is wrong.

Not *morally* wrong. Not even necessarily *factually* wrong. But it has been placed under a tiny ceremonial microscope and found to be wearing socks with sandals.

Read the unnecessarily long explanation ↓

Exhibit A — the situation

We put your take in the big machine.

The machine made several noises, flashed one orange light, and printed a receipt that simply said, “Hmm.” This is not what we hoped for. The machine is usually very easy to impress.

Opinion submitted

“Actually, I think I have a pretty reasonable point.”

Expert finding

Reasonable? Certainly. But so is a folding chair. Neither should be allowed to lead a parade without supervision.

The peer review

Three completely legitimate reasons this went sideways.

1. It arrived too confidently.

Any thought that enters a room without looking both ways has already raised several administrative concerns.

2. It ignored the vibes.

Numbers, logic, and charts were invited to this discussion. The vibes were also invited. Your opinion did not RSVP for the vibes.

3. It used the phrase “obviously.”

Nothing good has ever followed that word except perhaps “obviously, do not touch the stove.”

Officially
kind of
wrong

Final ruling, effective immediately

Your opinion may continue to exist, but it must now wear a little hat.

We are not asking you to change your mind. That would be invasive. We are simply asking your mind to sit in the waiting room for a moment and think about what it did.

Appeal received. After a fresh review by three pigeons, a houseplant, and one person who only heard the last sentence: the original ruling stands. The hat remains mandatory.